A Seizure Cycle or One Complete Fog   A True Story – the usual week in my life, living with Epilepsy. Julie Hope   Everything in this world has its up’s and downs and so did my Epilepsy Grand Mal Seizures.  With the help of witnesses I will do my best to describe it here for you.  I am not going to attempt to quote any dates, as those are all a blur, they just happened and that period of my life is now gone.   Even though, as I know now, I had every type of seizure  possible the basic pattern remained the same.The other seizures just fit nicely where they could.  For a lot of years the main seizure was a grand mal for the most part just before waking in the morning.  As these were so frequent and took over my whole life and being, the other seizures we thought were just signs or possible warnings of one about to come.  Little did we know they were in fact a separate type of seizure?   -          For two or three days before a grand mal seizure, it was what I called my hyper period.  I just had to get everything done in short order and was found trying to multi-task everything I laid my hands on.  It was almost as if that little voice outside me was ‘Julie you best get everything done you want now, as you will be out of commission for the next few days’.  Near the end of that three day period even the speech would get quicker and quicker until the very end when there would be 3-4 subjects injected all in one sentence.  This of course made perfect sense to me but not to the other person.  Why did it make perfect sense to me?  I was still in a hurry to get it all done and it was as if the mind was now going at hurricane rate.   -          As the speech gets faster, there was a short period of being ‘giddy’.  I am not sure why this is, possibly because I wanted to be happy, maybe I thought it was funny that the other person was looking at me so strange, or maybe it was once again the brain in hurry up speed got a laugh out of moving so fast.  It would be during this time when there would be other types of seizures slip in as well.  With everything a total blur, it didn’t bother me; it was almost as if I were in ‘la la land’ or somewhere on another planet by now.  A total fog!!   -          Usually by the time the ‘giddy’ period and other seizures started to come, should my husband be there at the time, this was when he knew it time to get me to bed.  At least there I would be safe, and all he had to do was, wait.  This part I have no recollection of at all during these seizures.  My hubby would tell me after he knew I was or wasn’t going to have one depending on my sleep routine.  Should I fall asleep peacefully, things were usually ok.  If I squirmed around continuously, and eventually calmed down in a more relaxed fetal position, tonight was the night.  It was always a sure thing also, should I sleep with one arm above my head.    -          The Grand Mal would hit just before sunrise.  It would be total unconsciousness, with massive throwing around of my arms and legs.  My husband sometimes joked about it ‘if I were in a boxing ring I could have taken on the worlds champion at that time’.  I guess he has got hit a few times and knows the blow.  This is where the sore muscles come in after and possibly one reason for the awful migraine/headaches afterwards.  Immediately following the seizure it is best to have all noise turned down and the room made as dark as possible, give me a blanket (which I usually threw over my head maybe as a sense of protection) and just leave me be.  The rest will take care of itself.   -          Now comes the recovery period.  There may be cuts, for sure a swollen tongue or bit lip, sore muscles were a given, migraine and possible vomiting were a for sure thing.  I would not be aware of where I was, what just happened, or even who I was much less who you were.   Very gradually I would come back to what was normal for me, but that took another couple days if not more.  It was one big chore to remember why I had just gone to the kitchen, or had a load of clothes in my hands and what was I going to do with them.  One way of trying to figure it out was to shake my head as if only I could get all those cob-webs out of there things would look more familiar.    -          Gradually I arrived back at what was normal for me, and that is a time you don’t want to experience.  It was not a long period, possibly only a day but that was enough.  The cob-webs had partially gone, it still felt like my head was full of cotton balls, but after living on another planet looking down on earth, I shouldn’t be complaining.  During this period is when depression had time to slip in.  Why?  The mind is now just a little clearer and you being thinking all kinds of things that, at the time are so real to you.  ‘Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?’  ‘I know I can’t drive but I sure would like to’, ‘I use to hold down a good job, these people must sure be stupid not to recognize all the great skills I have.  And the list goes on and on.    This period of the Seizure Cycle only lasted a day or so where rock-bottom was hit and the cycle would begin all over.  All this time was in held in some rate of fog.  Some days the fog was just a little thicker than others.    A normal foggy day outside you have no control over.  This fog there was something I could do and we did it.  Finally one day for some unknown reason, perhaps it was the drug change, I went into remission.  No more seizures BUT I was still a walking ghost.  I would not be able to tell you my name if you asked, I knew my hubby had some connection to me but do not ask me his name either as I would have no answer to give but a either a fake smile or a nod.  It was almost like I was in the biggest hangover possible.  What was happening and no seizures we were all happy, but was this the way we were to be expected to live out the rest of our lives.  No feelings, no worries, the way it would feel when you are just going under anesthesia.  The feeling of one foot on earth the other on some other planet.   It is no wonder as by this time I was now on a whole ‘shoe box full of drugs’.  Every kind shape and color you could think of I had it.  Keeping track of the time to take and which ones was something that I did not do well.  The short term memory was gone completely, now what causes all this?  It could be and is the seizures yes, but what about all the Anti-Epilepsy Drugs.